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When I first came across the word “onboarding,” I had to look it up. I thought it had something to do with getting on board a boat, but I was wrong. Instead, the word means to prepare a new employee to work in a company. Corporate America birthed this term into existence in the 1990s and, over time, it has replaced the word “orientation.” If done well, when employees complete “onboarding,” they “typically understand the job and how to do it, and get the company culture, too,” according to Merriam-Webster.
I know, I know — you think the word “orientation” suggests the same thing. But consider the idea that after onboarding, you “get the company culture, too.” I think that means that after you’re onboarded, you happily and without hesitation drink the company Kool-Aid, whatever flavor is offered.
Alas, when I look back at the jobs I’ve had in my life, I can’t say I’ve had the pleasure of being onboarded. Sure, I’ve been oriented — told when I can take a break, where the bathroom is, which switch does what, etc. But no one has trained me in such a way that I lost my ability to think critically.
Now that we are about a quarter of the way through this column, I’d like to take a moment to talk to you about the Harpswell Anchor’s gift store. If you did not know, the Anchor is a nonprofit organization committed to bringing trustworthy journalism to the town of Harpswell. You can support its mission by buying all 17 items in the online store. I particularly adore the “Types of Anchors” long-sleeve T-shirt that sells for around $30.
Please go to harpswellanchor.org/store and spend, spend, spend!
As I was saying, I myself have never been onboarded, but I have deboarded a plane before. I find it so interesting that I have done one but not the other.
Curious about how one goes about onboarding new employees, I did more research and discovered that when new hires arrive for their first day of onboarding, they are shown their cubby and immediately sign confidentiality agreements.
Because I’m a freelance writer, the Anchor will not give me a cubby — though I have asked for one a number of times. And I’m not legally allowed to discuss what it’s like to work for the newspaper. What I can say … must say … is that the Harpswell Anchor “promotes civic engagement and serves its community by providing nonpartisan, trustworthy, in-depth news and information.”
After the legal documents are signed, the onboarding process continues and onboardees are broken into small groups so they can participate in something akin to ritual combat — icebreakers.
At perkbox.com, a site that provides 35 ways to break the ice, I read that icebreaker games are important because they “encourage employees to engage on a more personal level, which contributes to a healthy company culture.”
One game that is mentioned is “Would You Rather?” Here is how you do it — if memory serves. I mean, this isn’t a memory. I’m speaking hypothetically here.
First, sit in a tight, intimate circle with people you have never met before, some of whom have put on way too much cologne or perfume. Then, notice the person to your left who is visibly sweating, though the room is air-conditioned. Next, pull from the provided deck a card and read aloud the question. For example, would you rather go to the gym or go see a movie? Would you rather eat an apple or a banana? Go around the group and share answers and pretend you are having an engaging group discussion.
When the conversation wanes unexpectedly in a matter of seconds, you might offer some of these questions I created for “Would You Rather?” that are guaranteed to keep the team-building going.
- Would you rather work in a fragrance-free workplace environment or regularly breathe in cancer-inducing chemical agents?
- Would you rather learn the clinical medical term for over-sweating (hydrosis) and its causes or own a guinea pig named Harold?
- Would you rather be here or anywhere else right now?
And my favorite question:
- Would you rather own the Art Deco Anchor unisex V-neck tee or the “Home is Where the Anchor Drops” 11-ounce ceramic mug?
