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These words are not meant for the racoon who raids my bird feeder every evening and devours sunflower seeds. The feeder is attached to my porch railing in a spot where, from my indoor perch, I can watch the birds eat the seeds meant for them and also watch the squirrels eat the seeds not meant for them.

Cherry red tongues scream "Summer!" to me. My cousins and I used to collect returnable bottles, some we'd pick up from the side of the road in Gardiner and others our parents would donate to the cause, then head to the 7-Eleven down the street and turn litter into Slurpees.

As an English professor, a chronic feature of my desk is at least one teetering stack of library books perched on a corner. During times of active research, especially during the summer, there are usually several such stacks, enough to obscure one of my windows.

Maine's traffic laws dictate fines for speeding as follows: 1-9 mph over limit, $114; 10-14 mph over limit, $129; 15-19 mph over limit, $170; 20-24 mph over limit, $230; 25-29 mph over limit, $278; imprudent speed, $134.

Having grown up in Maine, I like to think the ocean helped raise me. It showed me how to connect to Mother Earth, surf, dig for mussels, and, most importantly, have fun.

"You're doing it wrong," Bobby says. "I am? There is a right way?" I ask, mystified that I'm actually having this conversation. "Yes," Bobby replies.

I'd like a cannibal to know, with one look, that I'm a tasty treat. I'm not talking about being the first victim in a zombie apocalypse. Zombies have no discernment.

If I were to give my job a title, it might be "assistant head of household." I don't work outside the home and my income is hardly worth mentioning compared to that of the boss.

It's "click it or ticket" month. From Maine's traffic laws, Title 29-A, the fine for a seat belt violation is $85. This fine is the same for an operator or adult passenger not wearing a seat belt, or for a child 2 years old or older who is not properly secured.

It all started on a sleepless night when I was in bed well past midnight and eventually resigned myself to watching a "M*A*S*H" rerun on television. It was Season 9, Episode 6, "A War for All Seasons."