We all need a hand at times, no matter who we are or how well we’ve managed our lives. A ride into town. A meal in a pinch. A break from caregiving. TLC for a cranky laptop or damaged lamp. Someone to talk with when life feels like it’s just too much.
The good news is that, regardless of the kind of help we need, there’s a wealth of resources at our fingertips. Harpswell Aging at Home, for instance, offers a wide array of programs and services, with information available on its website at hah.community. Community organizations like HAH, alongside family, friends and neighbors, constitute a vital support network.
The not-so-good news is that we sometimes find it harder to ask community organizations for help than to ask relatives or friends. Perhaps we’re unaware of an organization’s offerings, or feel embarrassed about needing assistance. Asking for help can feel like a personal failure. “I’ve always taken care of myself,” we might say. It also can evoke concerns about privacy.
“Some people don’t want others to know about the struggles they’re dealing with,” says Gayle Hays, head of Harpswell Aging at Home’s Health and Wellness Team.
If we’re descended from a long line of tough, independent types, “neediness” might not fit with our self-image.
“Mainers have historically had a lot of self-reliance and pride,” says Tom Mahoney, chair of Harpswell Aging at Home’s Resource Team. “Many are great at helping others, but not so great about accepting help.”
Cindy Bessmer, a Harpswell Aging at Home volunteer and an emergency medical technician with the Orr’s and Bailey Islands Fire Department, recalls a conversation with another HAH volunteer who needed support after a medical emergency. The woman hesitated to request assistance, telling Bessmer, “Other people need the help more than I do.”
Reluctance to ask for help is understandable, and the reasons differ for each of us. But not getting the assistance we need can be costly. At best, we miss out on opportunities to forge community connections. At worst, we may experience hardships that could have been avoided or eased. In Harpswell — the oldest town of its size in Maine — it’s especially vital that residents get needed support.
So, how can we feel more comfortable asking for assistance — and encourage others to do the same? Learn about resources on offer and share the information with others before challenging situations arise. If you think someone could use a hand, ask what they might need instead of telling them what you think they should do. Share how you’ve benefited from a community program to spread the word and inspire others to reach out.
Hays says there is much “crossover” between Harpswell Aging at Home volunteers and beneficiaries, whereby someone initially volunteers and later uses services — and vice versa.
Remind yourself — or someone you know who’s reluctant to request support — that:
- Asking for assistance shows strength, not weakness.
- After decades of giving to others, it’s OK to receive.
- In our community, people look out for each other.
- Needing a specific type of help now doesn’t mean we’ll require it forever.
Need more convincing? Consider this insight, from Jay McCreight, head of Harpswell Aging at Home’s Volunteer Committee: “Our volunteers want to make a difference and be part of the community. When people ask them for help, they often feel they’re receiving more than they’re giving, including opportunities to use their skills and make a contribution.”
