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I just got a brand-new Motorola cellular telephone and it’s a beauty. It replaces my previous Motorola, a brand I’ve carried since the ’90s. I have always purchased a Moto-model made to mil-specs and I’ve never broken one, despite rough handling, dropping on concrete and asphalt, and being run over by a humongous snowplow. I haven’t lost one or had one stolen, and I think the latter is because they ain’t iPhones. That makes my Moto less desirable to discerning, trend-aware thieves and others who engage in scumbaggery. Even a kleptomaniacal, budget-conscious stimulant enthusiast (the boss says I can’t say “thieving crackhead” on account of society’s supposedly evolved view of addiction) knows he can get more on the street or at a pawn shop for the brand with the bad apple logo.
But here’s the thing: I just wanted a phone, but what I got is an unbelievably complex ball of interlocking applications and technology that is designed to stomp out what little sense of self-governance I still possess. For instance, I can delete games that show up on my phone, but I can’t delete the program that repeatedly puts them there. It’s like a tiny but persistent game of Whack-A-Mole. (Listen up, Mr. Google!) I don’t play games. Ever.
I just want a phone. That’s all my “device” has to do. Well, sure, there are rare times when I’d really like to know where I said I’d be at this time today, so a calendar is handy. Often, knowing if the weather will wash out my plans for this evening can be useful, too, so that app is a must-have.
So, too, is a dictionary and a thesaurus. You never can tell when you will want to look up an unfamiliar word — like, say, scumbaggery — to be certain you’re using it properly.
Now that I’m thinking about it, I do a bit of shopping on my phone. Not a lot, just eBay, Sam’s Club, Hannaford, Jersey Mike’s, Lowe’s, Chewy, and, in a pinch, Amazon. But except for that, I want a no-frills telephone.
I do very much enjoy having Google nearby for answering questions, but gads, does it have to come with all the other embedded stuff? Why can’t I get a clean Google?
I also don’t want the default apps to throw in ads that capture the phone and won’t let me close them without a phone restart. Temu is one that comes up frequently. The ad just captures the phone and I can’t get out of it. I can’t cancel it. I can’t get around it. I have to shut off my phone and start over. I’ve never gone to that site, ever. It’s not OK to capture a grown adult and try to frustrate him into playing in that freaky Temu swamp. It’s not good for kids and it’s not good for me and I don’t want it on my phone. But what I want is not relevant to Mrs. Android.
I keep getting the hard sell about being able to choose the ads I can see if I just give up my right to privacy. “They’ll be more relevant,” it says. I don’t want relevant ads. I don’t want irrelevant ads. I don’t want any ads. The idea that I should be lucky to have the opportunity to choose the ads I see is stupid.
OK, since you brought up ads, let’s talk about that.
Do you remember when cable TV was first introduced? I do. It was exciting because yes, you would pay a monthly subscription fee for the cable service, but it was going to be ad-free! That sounds like nirvana to me, and I so looked forward to it.
Now most Americans have multiple TVs in their home, either streaming or playing a cable or satellite service, and what we are given to watch is nonstop advertisements. If you’d like to watch the older programs that are now in syndication, you’ll get to watch twice as many ads during the rerun as were in the original broadcast. I’m just not willing to do that. The content of the original program has been squeezed and edited to make room for another 20 minutes worth of advertisements, and that’s what you get to see in blocks of five to seven minutes. Nonstop advertisements. I really dislike this service.
Luckily, I married a woman who agrees with me on most matters. Together we watch a grand total of zero television on most days. We have given up on the idea of finding a source on television of pure news, information that tells us what happened during the course of the previous 24 hours. I like to decide for myself what I think about those things that have
happened, but what I get is commentary spewed forth as news. Oh, and angry. I get that, too.
But this little Harpswell Anchor is a breath of reason and honesty that’s missing from broadcast news. While it appears only once a month, what we read covers not only civic issues important to all of us, but also local people, businesses and community activities, about which we would never learn without the Anchor.
I’m seriously thinking of dropping my Motorola off the Bailey Island Bridge. If you want to get in touch with me, you can send me a note c/o the Harpswell Anchor. I’ll get it next month for sure.
