The coronavirus pandemic had very few upsides, but I was lucky — I had one. My 96-year-old mother came to live with me for the last 10 months of her life. That probably would not have happened otherwise, and I learned so much during that time.
My mom lived in New York and, while I would visit two times a month and take her to doctor’s appointments and do everything I could for her, I still didn’t quite understand her health issues. She could put on an act for me for the time I was there.
One time, I took her to a gerontologist for a checkup and was shocked to find that this doctor was not equipped to deal with a woman who had 87% hearing loss. She addressed her comments only to me and treated my mom like she was barely present. As one might imagine, this annoyed my mother.
Fast forward to the last week of my mom’s life. Her breathing was labored and she was declining quickly. We ended up at the Mid Coast Hospital Emergency Room for chest X-rays. After a long wait, a doctor came in to speak with us. To us! She laid out the options — Mom could be admitted and they would do more tests, or she could go home.
This doctor talked to the two of us, and clear as a bell, my mother said, “I’m not staying here. I want to go home.” Home we went. She passed away a week later. Had that doctor talked only to me, I would never have known my mother’s wishes. What a big lesson. We took her home and (as the doctor also recommended) loved her to bits. We would have done that anyway.
These recollections came to mind when, in late May, a group of Harpswell Aging at Home members participated in a workshop sponsored by the Maine Council on Aging. The workshop aimed to deepen our understanding of ageism, elderspeak, and the concept of age positivity.
Having seen firsthand the effects of how you talk to an older person, I know it really matters to become conscious of how each of us interacts with older adults. As an organization committed to supporting its community, Harpswell Aging at Home recognizes the importance of addressing these issues.
What is ageism?
Ageism refers to bias against individuals and groups based on their age. It encompasses stereotypes (how we think), prejudices (how we feel), and discrimination (how we act) toward others or ourselves because of age. Ageism can manifest itself individually, interpersonally, institutionally or systemically. A simple example is the insulting ageist birthday greeting card that declares you’re old or exaggerates memory loss or physical changes. By noticing and acknowledging the existence of ageism, we can work toward minimizing its adverse impacts.
Elderspeak: A form of ageism
Elderspeak is a specific form of ageism. It involves speaking to older adults in a condescending manner, using simplified language or baby talk or using pet names like “sweetheart,” “dearie” or “honey.” This behavior reinforces age-related stereotypes. We must be mindful of our language as we interact with older adults in our families and our community.
The age-positive movement
The age-positive movement celebrates aging and intentionally includes older adults in all aspects of society. It recognizes aging as a natural process and encourages us to celebrate it. Age positivity begins at birth and lasts throughout our lives.
***
By understanding ageism, promoting positive attitudes toward aging, and rejecting elderspeak, we can create a more inclusive and supportive environment for all ages in our community.
Let’s continue our commitment to combating ageism and fostering age positivity within our Harpswell community.
